Today I struggled with the very human emotion of grief. Did you know, according to The Grief Recovery Handbook, that grief is anything we wished were more, better, or different? I was unaware for the first half of my life that this was the case. As a result, I did not know what was happening when I experienced these feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, or despondency. These feelings represent my unique and very personal response to life happening the way I was not expecting it to.
In 2010 I spent time with a friend, who is also a Counselor, and she so benevolently took me through grief to a completion of three major relationships in my life which had been troubling for me. This was hard work and not for the faint of heart. So I had this experience to learn from. This does not mean each wave of grief is any easier.
Expectations. Hopes. Open-Heartedness. These get me in trouble all the time. I tend to be very human. Finite, comfort-seeking, feeling. Reality is sometimes difficult. Seeing a situation for what it is happens to be is challenging in this human experience. A very real change occurred in our family. One that we were expecting. And, I was hoping for the best. I was even unaware I was hoping for the best. I just was.
So, I called a friend. She asked if I was mourning. Drats! Again. Yes. That is exactly what it was. I wanted things to be better. And, it wasn’t better. But, realizing this was.